


Worthless

by ToastedRoach



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Age Play, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Drug-Induced Sex, Father/Son Incest, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Slavery, M/M, Oral Sex, Prostitution, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 20:01:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13982298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToastedRoach/pseuds/ToastedRoach
Summary: Kevin looked so much like his mother, kneeling between Nate's thighs. The emotions the short encounter woke in Nate are driving him mad. Little by little he loses control of himself and does things that he will regret dearly.This is a direct follow up for Strangers, from Nate's point of view. You may wanna read it first. :3





	Worthless

**Author's Note:**

> Did my best to push this out asap. Wanted to write about how Nate deals with the aftermath of Kevin's attempted blowjob and this just kinda grew around the original idea. Making Nate try to replicate the moment he had with his son is a result of watching too many crime drama's where a psychopath tries to replicate a certain event or memory and becomes a serial killer. Nate is not trying to hurt anyone but ends up doing it anyway and feels like shit, so "the evil" gets punished in the end, sort of.

It's the third bar of the week. A shithole where no one cares, a good place to drown his sorrow. Nate takes a mouthful of the cheap vodka and tries to relax. Enjoy. The junkie kneeling in front of him is doing a decent work. The boy's lips are soft, he's still pretty.

”You're better than your mum, sweetie”, he mutters a forced compliment. Reddened lips kiss the tip of his cock and restless hazel eyes stare at him for a second.

”I love you daddy.” Some of them don't want to play along but this particular one is actually saying those words like he means them. Nate strokes the boy's dirty blond hair, take a good grip and forces himself into the junkie's mouth far enough to make him choke. Tears spill out of the hazel eyes but little by little he gets used to Nate's cock and allows the man to move in and out faster.

_I love you too, Kevin._

Vodka clouds his eyes and the kid's hair turns dark. Nate can almost hear the voice of his son in the moans escaping from the whore's throat. He imagines the skinny hands stroking his thighs are Kevin's. He still clearly remembers the slave clothes his son wore that night, the heavy collar and the exact moment when tiredness and fear disappeared from Kevin's eyes and were replaced with need that was more than lust.

”Look at me.” _Look at me Kevin._

Hazel eyes that are not his son's. In Nate's mind though they are. In his mind it's Kevin pleasing him tonight. Kevin's gentle lips and skilled tongue. His son's face is reflecting only pleasure. A kind of peace that he never saw before.

”You look just like your mother.” _I want you. All of you. I don't care who your owner is, I want to make you mine._

Kevin is choking on his cock and yet keeps on smiling. His eyes close. The hand that was rubbing his own cock suddenly stops and the boy's hips jerk forward and he cums. Not much. The thick drops fall on his lap, run down his naked belly. Nate wants to rub it into his skin, he wants to throw Kevin on the bed and fuck his son until neither of them can move. But the most he wants to kiss Kevin on those puffy red lips still wet from his own cum.

The fantasy is gone the moment he cums. The blonde boy has trouble taking his load. Some of it spills from his mouth and drips on the floor. _Kevin would've drank it all._ Nate is already annoyed.

He finishes his drink and stands up, servos creaking. Looking down at the whore. What a mess. They're only doing this for caps. Well, usually they sort of enjoy it too. A normal man would never sink this deep just to get his fix. He drops ten caps on the table and limps towards the door.

”Hey! You promised me twenty!”

Nate looks back. ”Inflation.”

”What?”

How to explain it to this cretin? Sometimes he still forgets this isn't the Old World.

”You ain't worth twenty caps anymore.” He walks out closing his ears from the junkie's desperate protests.

–

Nate slumps down on his rented bed. A whole bottle of vodka wasn't enough. That whore wasn't enough. Nothing can fill the hole in his heart. Days have become weeks. Nate is lost and alone with his grief.

 _I'm sorry Kevin._ He grabs the syringe on the night table. He can't remember when he picked up the chems. It's usually Jet or Med-X. All he wants is sleep and forget. _I love you Kevin._

”I want you Kevin.” The words an unintelligible whisper.

It's not always like this but mostly, yes. Lately he finds himself drinking more. He can't seem to find the right type of company. There's no shortage of junkies but did he hit a blonde streak? One ginger too actually. He brushes the memory aside as soon as it surfaces. Ginger's have no soul. No skill either. He needs a nice, healthy looking boy with dark brown hair. 20-ish but the age isn't as important as the appearance. Nate isn't sure why he's been going for the younger ones anyway. Less ravaged? Propably. Still worthless, not able to give him what he needs.

There was someone he liked though.

He and Nick had just parted. After taking down Kellogg Nate needed some time on his own. He has always been able to talk to Nick. The synth's lack of certain human emotions is relieving. He rarely feels safe with anyone else, not even Preston. He was too ashamed to tell Preston but he had no trouble sharing everything with Nick. Even the fact that he got aroused by what his son did – and why. Standing above Kellogg's mutilated body, slowly coming back to reality, he realized this was not the man he wanted to kill. 'I killed the wrong man', he had said, shocked. 'This is not Benedict Carter.'

That's how it started. He's been chasing the moment he had with Kevin ever since. _You could've told me. I would've killed that man with my bare hands._

Dark brown hair, just like Kevin's. Cut like what people here call 'raider style'. Flirty brown eyes and a nice lean body. 25-ish, some beard stubble too, wearing tight jeans and a t-shirt. Nate had been sitting in the corner for a while, downing whiskey, watching people come and go. Waiting to get drunk enough to make a move on one of the younger farm hands. It was his first time picking someone up like this. Well, a man. Before the war, before he met Nora he was adept in going after females. He wasn't nervous then. He was mad at himself for getting all jittery. Someone smiled at him in the crowd. A sweet smile with odd familiarity. Nate was too surprised to dodge it. He had been in this Commonwealth long enough to understand a smile meant danger. The young man strode through the crowd, pushing people aside. He came right to Nate's table and sat on his lap, wrapping one arm around his neck and rubbing their crotches together.

”Hi daddy. Buy me a drink, will ya?”

–

He wakes up from his slumber with a throbbing headache. Why'd he go for the cheap booze? It never pays off. He fell asleep with his prosthetic leg and can barely move. In need of a meal and purified water he stumbles out of the flophouse and to the marketplace. He knows he has been here before, with Preston, but so much has changed. The settlement has grown, is walled and safe, and not too bad looking houses surround the market. Nate sees familiar faces. But the people they belong to don't recognize him. Nate has given up his blue vault suit. His Pip-boy is wrapped in a cloth and stuffed into his backpack and he hasn't shaved his face once since leaving Fort Hagen.

Snack cakes and a can of iguana bits in his hand, Nate browses the market stalls. He came for a reason. A trader from West was supposed to be here today. And soon enough Nate spots the ”hound woman”. Her dogs bark and growl at the people walking by, but fall silent when Nate stops at her stall.

All over the makeshift table are long chains to keep guard dogs shackled to the house corners. Muzzles too, and leather collars. To the side is the exact piece Nate has been looking for. A heavy slave collar made of steel, with a lock attached to it. The mutts at the woman's feet start growling again. They remember the touch of cold metal, the weight. They know how it feels to have the collar latched around their soft puppy necks and be doomed for eternal slavery.

Caps change owner. Nate grabs the collar with his free hand and turns to leave. _This time it will work._

–

 _Oh God Kevin_... His son is munching on his cock like it was a delicacy. Drool runs down Kevin's chin, the boy's grey eyes look up at Nate full of adoration. Love. Nate pulls on the collar, forces his son to swallow all of his cock and Kevin doesn't resist but instead relaxes his throat making the sweetest of sounds. Nate looks down. Kevin sits on the carpet with his knees spread wide, pushing his ass out, looking so cute. His cock is leaking but he doesn't touch it. _He's 20. Why's he still so tiny? They didn't let him touch himself? Jesus that's so hot..._

”Ahh”, the boy gasped for air, then smiled happily. ”You like it daddy? Told ya I'm good.” The illusion broke but Nate wasn't sad about it. He wanted to hear that voice anyway. He reached out to touch the boy's neck. Kevin's skin had scars and bruises from the weight of the slave collar. He wondered how his son's thin neck would've looked like without them.

”Why do you insist calling me daddy?”

The question was answered with a laugh. ”You're somebody's daddy, aren't ya? You could be my daddy tonight.” Soft but firm and mature lips were latched back on Nate's cock and he almost came from just how eager and hungry the younger man was.

For that one time he lost the battle and called his son's name.

”Oh, yes, Kevin, you're so damn good. Those raiders taught you well.” _I'm proud of you. You're my good boy._

He was rewarded with gentle suckling before his paid companion climbed on his lap and kissed him. ”Wanna try my ass, daddy? It'll be even better. I promise.”

–

The kid's short with a strong body. Black hair that reminds him of Kevin's. Not as skinny as he'd like but good enough. Typical farm boy on his way to Diamond City to find his luck. Some dirty old caravan guard hooked him on Jet – propably fucked him sore too – and now the kid's too far gone to care. The same sob story every time.

Damn he'll look good with the collar around his neck. 18's a tad too young but he's got a pretty face. There isn't much to choose from either. This kid or the blonde with wrecked body sitting on the floor, drowsy on whatever chem coctail, begging for caps. He'll do anything.

Nate turns away. He can't stand watching the boy getting soaked in trader piss for five meager caps.

”Wanna have some fun, mister? Only twenty caps.”

He could just turn around and walk away. Leave and forget why he sought out this dead end near Salem. Go back to Boston and try to find the young sweetheart who called him daddy. Or just return to Sanctuary and-

”Let's make it 25. And I got some Jet in my room if you're interested.”

_Shush, bad thoughts, shush. This time it'll work._

He takes the boy under his arm and walks him to his room. The days of being shy doing this long gone. Without shame he runs his fingers down the kid's back and squeezes his muscled butt. His heart beats faster. Maybe part of it are after-effects of Psychobuff from fighting those radscorpions earlier today. That, mixed with the fair amount of whiskey he drank. And the additional excitement because he's 100% sure he's found the missing piece in this fucked up puzzle. He even spiked the Jet he's gonna give the junkie to make sure there are no hiccups.

Nate sits quietly and watches the kid draw long, fast breaths to get high as soon as possible. His eyes are unfocused, his mouth slightly open. He crawls closer to Nate and pulls his pants half way down.

”I don't want to see your dick. Tuck it away, then come here.” He's naked from waist down, sitting on the ruined wooden bed. The floor is covered with a blue rug, the wall to his right has a small window. The room is but a distant memory of his home in Sanctuary but he doesn't plan to stay long either.

”Close your eyes. I have a little surprise for you.” He steadies the boy with one hand. Ultrajet spiked with Med-X in the regular inhaler sure did it's job. He's prepared in case his victim overdoses. He's not trying to kill anyone. When he's sure the boy is breathing steadily – actually slobbering too which is both disgusting and impossibly hot at the same time – Nate reaches for the collar behind his back. A quick snap and he has closed the metal ring around the smooth young neck. He turns the key in the lock. _Mine._

_So cute..._

”Kevin”, he breathes out quietly and his son looks up.

” _Daddy? You came back?”_

”I came back for you. You're my good son. I'll never leave you alone again.”

” _You're not mad at me?”_

So much fear in those beautiful eyes. Kevin looks even skinnier than before. Every bone in his body is visible. ”I was never mad at you. Never. I wanted you. You looked just like your mother and it scared me, but what you did to me felt so good... I had to come back.”

Kevin smiles now and licks his lips. _”You liked it, daddy?”_

”Yes. I did. Would you do it again?” He pulls on the collar and earns a quiet moan from his son. Kevin pushes his ass out and spreads his knees to get into a better position, and then takes Nate's cock into his mouth. All of it at once. He closes his eyes and moves his head back and forth, only stopping to gently lick the head and Nate can see he's smiling. A relaxed, peaceful, happy smile. It almost makes him cry.

” _I love you daddy.”_ Kevin's hand is slowly rubbing his own cock. Only a moment though before the boy wets a few fingers and starts playing with his asshole instead. It seems to bring him much more pleasure. Makes sense.

”I love you too, Kevin.” Nate curls his hands around Kevin's head. ”Look at me baby.” He's fucking his son's throat hard but Kevin can take it. He looks so pretty now, being used. He's shoving his fingers deep into that hungry ass and wiggling his body. Tears and saliva mix on his face but the smile is still there. They cum at the same time – Kevin only few drops like always but Nate believes he's never shot a load that big before, and he leans forward to kiss his son, taste his own cum on those sweet abused lips.

At that very moment his world breaks apart. The boy kneeling in front of him is not Kevin. Nate sees blood on his face. Blood and bruises mixed with tears and cum. Nate sobers up in an instant. What did he do?

All he can remember is being with Kevin. But in reality Kevin was never here.

This kid he picked up... He's still high and when Nate loosens his grip he falls backwards. His head hits the floor with a loud bang. Or maybe that was the collar. _Oh God..._

He put a slave collar on this kid. A fucking slave collar. He bought it on purpose. He planned this. When? Nate stumbles on his feet and hastily gathers his belongings. Is the boy dead? No, he's just laying there and sobbing. Nate drops a Stimpak and those promised 25 caps next to him, escaping into the night and rain.

 _Why did I do that? I'm the worst. I'm...I'm worthless._ He stops right outside the makeshift gates and it hits him hard. The rain pours down on him from the angry skies, soaking him through and through.

He called these boys worthless. No, he's the worthless one here. Going this far, thinking about doing something like this to Kevin. He'd never want to hurt Kevin. He never wanted to hurt any of these boys either. He hated men who did this kind of things, he hated the raiders who taught Kevin all the wrong things. Sex has nothing to do with love and affection. It broke his heart to see Kevin think that way, to feel bad just because he couldn't get that kind of attention. And he hated Mr. Carter, the slimy worm who crawled into his home and violated his precious, innocent son.

The sick fantasy he had of going back home and claiming Kevin as his property – it doesn't matter if it was born out of jealousy or lust, he won't go back anymore. The people in Sanctuary will care for Kevin. His good son.

”I'm sorry Kevin.” _I wish you the best, baby. Find good people who care about you. Go with the raiders if you must, but be happy._

Now he only has one goal: to find Shaun, even if it may cost him his life.

 


End file.
